I have failed. I am a failure.

If I could get a penny for every time I have heard the word ‘failed’ or ‘failure’ in coaching sessions, I would finally be able to buy myself that kitchen I have always dreamed of.

On a more serious note, failure is more often than not an enriching experience. And yet we see it as detrimental. We linger on it. We feel shame. We berate ourselves for what we deem to be “wrongdoing”. Why?

Through my years of coaching experience, I have noticed that when we feel stuck and can’t seem to move forward, it comes down to the “fear of failure”. As I dig deeper with my clients on this, there it is loud and clear: We do this to protect ourselves. It’s almost like - if we are the first to say “I have failed” then no one else can call us up on it. Or if we don’t try it then we can’t be told “you have failed”. But who are we most afraid of letting down? Have you ever met anyone who has told you: “oh wow. You really have failed there”. The reality is that we are most afraid of letting ourselves down. That alone stops us from seizing an opportunity to grow and learn.

Language is so powerful. So much so, that it can be can be harmful. But it can also be empowering. Our perception of experiences - the words we use to describe these - shape how we behave.

I have learned to love the word failure. I am proven time and time again that is associated with learning and resilience.

How many of you have started a project, a business, a family prospect and seen it at the time as a failure, but look back on it today as the most incredible learning experience? Why do we need time to recognise this? And what is it costing us to have to wait years to recognise that without that “failure” we wouldn’t be who we are today?

What if we were to describe ‘to fail’ as ‘to learn’. ‘Failure’ as ‘learning’. Imagine what you would be committing to doing now that you have been putting off for the last months and years. It’s time to take control of your own language. Redefine it. Make it as empowering as you will. Trust me the results will astonish you. You will be fighting for more opportunities to fail in the future. And you will become a better person for it.